If a guy feels guilty for taking time away, or if he just doesnt take time away, then gradually his testosterone levels get lower and lower and his interest in the relationship becomes less and less. His many books, blogs and free online workshops at MarsVenus.com provide practical insights to improve relationships at all stages of life and love. I will just present Bonnies four responses because she is the one who gets my sympathy today. HealCircles.org is a new social network to release stress, come join us! Sometimes Im away for a week and when I come back its really fantastic. A most contributing factor to heart disease in men is testosterone. WishingWell, Inc is a non-profit 501 (C) 3 parent of HealCircle, HealthierPodcast, HealCircle, HealerPedia and HealthBootcamps brands. John Gray: Back in the early eighties is when I first started developing the ideas of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. It could look adversarial to a bystander, I said. When they do something they are good at their hormones go up, which is great! Asking for his patience (her job) and listening receptively to whatever feelings she has (his job) are both collegial acts. John Gray: Yes, he did (laughs). Collect, curate and comment on your files. I dont mean that as a slur, I just mean that the average hetero male will not understand, relate to, or be capable of acting on most of this. And when did you first conduct the research for this book? Organisieren, kontrollieren, verteilen und messen Sie alle Ihre digitalen Inhalte. 1 lb. He has been profiled in Time, Forbes, USA Today, and People. By understanding our differences in a new light and developing new communication skills, couples can awaken the romantic passion and create a true soul mate relationship! PR.com: So oxytocin is our version of testosterone. This is a PR.com Article, not a, 5 Steps to Jumpstart Your Social Media Strategy, Kevin Jonas & Wife Danielle Talk "Married to Jonas," Keeping It Real & How He Got the Girl, Meghan McCain Talks Life on the Road as a Socially Liberal Republican, Kathy Hilton on Family, Fashion & Her New Collection of Special Occasion Dresses, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. Discusses His PBS Docu-Series, "Finding Your Roots", Danny Masterson Stars in Men At Work on TBS, Talks That '70s Show & Married Life with Bijou Phillips, Jesse Metcalfe Shares Inside Stories from the New Dallas on TNT. For your testosterone level to stay that high, you have to feel confident that you are loved. Get premium, high resolution news photos at Getty Images Author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. They dont expect their husband to do it all. In his newest book, Venus On Fire, Mars On Ice, author John Gray explains how our hormones, stress levels, and recent social and gender customs have collided to create the conflicts and health ills we see in present-day western relationships and marriages. Dr. Grays books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries and continues to be a bestseller. Its oxytocin. In that sense, there is symmetry to their roles. Im a feminist in terms of supporting women. You write like a man who has had experience getting to the source of the problem and also a man who tried rope-a-dope. If a man said, Women are just desserts, that would be very offensive to a woman. His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness and romance. PR.com: You talk in the book about the physiology of stress reduction for women, specifically. SELECT OPTIONS SAVE TO CART John Gray: There is a wide spectrum of couples counseling, and some of it in my experience has told me again and again that it is not very effective. His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness and romance. The importance of doing a lot of little things for your female partner to help build their estrogen back up. What I do is put it together in a coherent package to apply it in useful ways. Its like when we were talking about womens circles and women in the garden or women in the community doing what they do. For men, retirement means 2 to 3 years to a heart attack, according to statistics. In the next post, I am going to show you what happens when I actually act on those sentiments, rather than just asking them abstractly. John: You seem upset. Ill just nod and not say anything to be dismissive of the whole thing. Learning how to deal with stress is the key to heart health. Estrogen suppresses testosterone. When we are under stress is when these differences show up the most. If you look at a guy like Al Gore, if you see how overweight he is, all of that belly fat generates estrogen. Im adding his comments here, although they tend to excuse his choices, because he is trying to illustrate what doing it right looks like and he is being the example for us all. The problem is that she has feelings that prevent her from having a fact-based conversation about the computer and other household needs. 2Go Travel; Cokaliong Shipping Lines; Maayo Shipping Lines PR.com: You hold all of this knowledge, but in your own marriage do you and your wife ever slip into some of the bad patterns that most others do? By entering your email address you are also requesting and agreeing to subscribe to our email list. PR.com: Like you say in the book, when a woman goes off to get a massage, for example, it is to escape all of her responsibilities. For that reason, Bonnie Gray, as she appears in the Mars/Venus books, comes off as petulant and unreasonable. Suddenly, our lives have become so fast that now women are seeking ways to cope with stress, and some are doing it more effectively than others. But the flip side is that in the process many women experience divorce or never got married, and they wonder, Why am I not attractive to men? and Why am I never satisfied with the men that Im in relationships with? So there is a lot of confusion that came about. Im adding his comments here, although they tend to excuse his choices, because he is trying to illustrate what doing it right looks like and he is being the example for us all. (If youre looking to strengthen your current relationship or finally attract the love of your life, youre in the right place.). - Dr. John Gray of @MarsVenus, When a woman is on her masculine side after working her job all day, she holds onto negative emotions. John Gray may be associate pastor at the largest church in America, but hes not your daddys preacher. We always do what you want to do and you always get your way. We are no longer limited by the traditional roles of hunter/gatherer or breadwinner/homemaker. John Gray is the founder of the now vast Mars/Venus industries: books, seminars, websites, and so on. Now, having more equality in relationships is a beautiful thing, but the problem is people have equated equality with sameness. John Gray: Every woman does. Bonnie needs to say how she feels and it isnt going to be pretty. If a woman is stressed, holding space for her means hearing what she has to say and providing a particular kind of loving support. During this interview, he offers some advice to those dealing with PR.com: Ive heard a lot of these stories from women I know; young women in their twenties and early thirties. According to John Gray, PhD, relationships expert and author and creator of the Mars and Venus franchise, the answer is yes. Required fields are marked *. Most people dont understand. And more and more women are making as much, or more, than men. Why men flee to protect their partner from the fight and the dragon inside of them. It just feels like you dont care about me. I ask questions like, Is it really fair that I have to put up with this kind of abuse over and over? I ask, Is this really the best she can do? I ask, Is it always going to be like this.. She will feel like she is your mother or she will shut down. Your email address will not be published. Nobody has done that study yet, but Ive done it in my own anecdotal research. What is the core of women? (She persisted). WebJohn Gray lives in Northern California with his wife of 29 years, Bonnie. relationships where people play out their roles in order to create harmony. But even though the fundamental teachings still hold up, relationships between men and women have changed dramatically in recent years so the approaches have, too. My wife and I have been together for thirty years, and weve been married twenty-five years. But it feels like everything we do is for you and not me. Dr. John Gray 1:20:46 Thank you. Suddenly those feelings come back. You wont feel an attraction to him if youre a woman, if a guy is too much like a girl. WebBus Schedule. Its hard for her to open up and be vulnerable. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. You have finally let your diplomatic character get the better of you. Author ofMen Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. The problem is that she has feelings that prevent her from having a fact-based conversation about the computer and other household needs. Here is the resolution of the computer argument above. John: I really want to understand your feelings and it really is hard for me. All rights reserved. John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. It cant be all that much fun to be Bonnie Gray, the wife of John Gray, the founding genius of the Mars/Venus industry. John Grays seventeenth book, Venus On Fire, Mars On Ice is currently in bookstores nationwide, including Barnes & Noble, and available at Amazon.com book and PBS Special DVD combo. His many books, blogs, and free online workshops at MarsVenus.com provide practical insights to improve relationships at all stages of life and love. (Photo by Acey Harper/Getty Images) PURCHASE A LICENSE. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. USA Today listed his book as one of the top 10 most influential books of the last quarter century. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. I have a recent example of that one. But it can also show up as liking to hang out with girlfriends, and she just tends to find girlfriends that are also quite shut down to their femininity. I mean, its great that women know theyre from Venus, but a vast majority of less enlightened men will never know theyre from Mars. You are going to buy what you want and thats it. So Bonnie need not respond by saying Youre not listening or You just dont understand., She can say, Let me try saying that in a different way.. So there is a numbness that sets in. Millions of high-quality images, video, and music options are waiting for you. I noticed where she shifted and was consciously doing that. So lets do the easy response first. Just the fact that I could talk about my feelings without you getting upset with me makes me feel so loved. The genie in a bottle method: A couple takes 10 minutes to allow the feminine partner to share little things the other can do for them like get a cup of tea or help answer phone calls. One. Yes, we clearly got a couple of good ones, and I know you were being self-congratulatory in a jokey way, but we are with Kathie and Bette out of choice, not providence. Im here to help men and women create strong, passionate bonds that last a lifetime. Im still amazed at the relevance that Men Are from Mars still has, 25 years after it was published! Dr. John Gray is the author of the most well-known and trusted relationship book of all time, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. PR.com: Can you break the good and the bad down a bit further for clarification? Why it's important to not look at your female partner from your point of view but from her point of view. The truth is [a womans] brain is eight times more active under stress than a mans, in the emotional part of the brain. How a woman can dive deep and realize what other needs she has for connection in a relationship and not just intimate needs. Hier knnen Sie Inhalte sammeln, auswhlen und Anmerkungen zu Ihren Dateien hinterlegen. But when a man opens up about his feelings a woman becomes even more concerned with upsetting him. Organize, control, distribute and measure all of your digital content. This is one of the reasons why relationships are the ultimate foundation of growth. Dr. John Gray. We charge a nominal fee for our Bootcamps in order to cover our costs of running the bootcamps and the doctors time. A main effect is that they often divorce you. HealCircle is a platform for doctors to offer actionable affordable health programs. Options are waiting for you talk about my feelings without you getting upset with me makes me feel loved. And measure all of your digital content relationships where people play out their roles in order to cover our of... 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