How can you prevent a Syracuse fan from beating his wife? And it doesnt matter where you areindoors, outdoors, fuckin in a park, in a museum, in a restaurant. Go Bills!, 94. 47. Your email address will not be published. They export all of these items with the twin exceptions of muscle tone and points, neither of which seem to travel well. Fran Lebowitz, I have a theory about L.A. architecture. The whole thing. Al Madrigal, In L.A., rich people live with rich people and poor people live with poor people. Hes flashing! In New York, a guy flashes you, you took your embroidery hoop and played ring toss. Joan Rivers, California is a small woman saying fuck me. New York is a large man saying fuck you! George Carlin. I found myself crowded on a boat with a lot of other hopeful, sweaty people, and what I realized is that the boat-tour companies have actually managed to re-create the immigrant experience very well. And he asked me if I needed a walk home. And, as if by magic, instead of breaking apart, the car hits the ground and . I love the view. A bad building, you just got a man in a door. D.L. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. People tell me, Hey, if you quit smoking, youll get your sense of smell back. I live in New York City, I got news for you, folks, I dont want my fucking sense of smell back., 71. In New York, they try to work things out for the sake of the apartment. David Sedaris, In New York, everyone is an exile, none more so than the Americans. Charlotte Perkins Gilman. I would have torn it to pieces. You gots schmutz on your foots, Toots!. Do you want to know my favorite Los Angeles Dodger? Please stop calling my new phone. 52. Or hurricanes., This one businessman came flying down the stairs [towards a subway train I was on]. Always relish the good times in New York. I live in New York. You can also read more about which policy is right for you in my full review here. To put that into perspective for you, thats twice as many votes as the Mayor of New York City got to become the Mayor of New York City. So, yeah. Why dont Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes? I auditioned to live in Williamsburg but didnt get a callback., 69. Weve already tipped you off to the 50 funniest New Yorkers and the 21 comedy linchpins that keep Gothams scene alive. Theres so little greenery in NYC, it would make a stone sick. Its like the longest walk in the world for the dog., I live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, which is a very hip, cool neighborhood in New York. He just stuck out his head and the doors closed on his neck. Yawn. The Cyclone was made in the year 1927. What material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of? I dont get cold. Just cause youre from a cold place doesnt mean youre genetically predisposed to not feeling cold. And lets not tell them either. What part of Mexico are your ancestors from? Los Angeles, bitch! George Lopez, Near my house in Los Angeles is a waterfall. New Yorkers are confusing. The Big Apple cant play chess since its missing two towers., 20. The end. Wyatt Cenac, In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent, quick decision that you have to make about every 20 minutes. is so celebrity-conscious, theres a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson and when he shows up, they tell him therell be a ten-minute wait. Bill Maher, L.A. Racist topics make me nervous. But I hate when people go, New York City: 8 million people, 8 million stories. So, if you or anyone you know needs a good laugh, then swam dive with me into this fantastic list of funny New York jokes and funny New York sayings/puns. New York City in One Liner Jokes. Think New Yorkers cant get along? NYC is the only city in the world where you can be awakened by a smell., 37. . 86. The end., In New York, you are constantly faced with this very urgent, quick decision that you have to make about every 20 minutes. Your closet is filled with black clothes. Relationships are hard in NYC. Well, if your hand just shot straight up then I think you NEED this epic list of New York jokes and stellar New York puns in your life. I didnt get much sleep. Think about that, thats true. My health led me to move to New York City. I just saw two strangers share a cabone took the battery and the other took the radio and tires. What material does a New Yorker like to make his pajamas out of? 1.What's a New Yorker's favorite storm? Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Well here are things that you should learn and can joke about the locals. Oh, this is your neighborhood now? I could see him thinking, I cant do what I normally do, which is stick out my hand and stop these doors, as Ive got these bags. My lips are sealed, bro. You can get a lot of television deals that dont go anywhere, but you still get paid. Daniel Tosh, You know, its important to have a Jeep in Los Angeles. Please add a link to this article. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. And when I got home, I was like, What was I thinking? Do I look at the most beautiful woman in the world or the craziest guy in the world? For five days starting on Monday, October 8, were asking you to tweet your best jokes about a specific borough with the hashtag #borobash. Lost in New York? It can burn a hole straight through it! Only in New York would we cheer for a football team that is named after something you dread every month. In NYC, one suicide in ten is attributed to a lack of storage space. 131. (Brooklyn will have its day on Thursday, and Manhattan will be on Friday.) 83. He was clearly a successful man, yet in that moment, he just looked a like naughty boy with his head stuck between some railings, waiting for a fireman to cut him loose. John Oliver, Everybody in New York has lost their minds. Do you know what year the Cyclone was made in? Because crap floats. Simpson. Where do New York chefs get their broth? Today, we give you jokes about those cities. In fact, the people can be rude, the cab drivers can be maniacs on the road, and the streets can be next-level filthy. Some. They stick to the ground., 96. When were standing on 4th Street., I was on the train. [New York] is all sex and violence. Exactly 2,417,529 people in NYC got married last year. New York City's comedians have found a way to keep performing. 37. smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! Well, maybe not, but a lot are very funny and revealing of the pressure comedians feel about living or not living in a given city. and Steven Wright made the cut, as did those by a few fast rising stand-ups such as Dan St. Germain, Hannibal Buress and Kumail Nanjiani. A fisherman in New York City reeled in a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long. 16. Moo York. 1 thing that you can be in the eyes of the New York Post is an angel. You seen this Home Alone 2: Lost in New York shit? Similarly, there are a lot of jokes about New York and Los Angeles, since for as long as comedy has been split between those two poles, comedians have had to decide between them. I would say it was a hard drive., 106. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales. I was like, In fact, sir, youre Puerto Rican, so if anything, you should be more cold. Iliza Shlesinger, One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; its Shake Shack, the burger place. 39. It does things to a person. It would be like, You seen this shit? I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers. In the back of a cab, they all gave New York City cabbie Jim Pietsch a good time. When you get there, you gotta get out like, All right, Im home. And most of those mysteries remain unsolved., 25. Here are our favorites so far, in alphabetical order. I had like bruises everywhere. the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to please put her arm down. If this is your stop, get off. If not then let me know in the comments below. 40. Those same studies also revealed that they thought the other 2/11 jokes were funny., 33. 154. Finally made it to Staten island. The cabbie, embarrassed, agrees, and starts praying to god. I come from New York, where, if you fall down, someone will pick you up by the wallet., 83. Thats like going to a casino and routing for the house. Doug Stanhope, Its tough finding a good bar to go to in New York sometimes. I said, Id like a card. He said, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him., Everybody in New York has lost their minds. So its nice to know that my son is going to grow up and some day have huge breasts, but its not really going to bother him that much. Greg Fitzsimmons, I spent $700,000 on a house in L.A. at the height of the housing market. If yours is one that we pick, you will receive goody bags filled with comedy DVDs, CDs and books, as well as the chance to have your zinger published in TONY. This event listing provided for the New York community events calendar. It does things to a person. Although I was at the library today. Here are some jokes about New York City that will make you smile. When it comes to the finest, the far-outest, and the just plain . Yeah, they really dropped the ball. Nothing twists my mind like New York pretzels. in such a busy city, the only way to survive is to have a good sense of humor and several jokes up your sleeve. Youre not a penguin. New Yolk. Eleven up and one over, you simple bitch. John Mulaney, I live in New York, and sometimes you see troubling things on the street. Albunny, New York! The whole show is in a silly, goofy mood. Because thats where the mini apple is! The guy was very rude. Best New York City Jokes for Kids 1. It was like five in the morning on a weeknight. When fat cows go on vacation, where do they go? smells of the Big Apple, this local joke book delivers kid-friendly punchlines that will have readers laughing 'til they cry! Because theres a Delhi on every block., 3. Thats because these NYC puns are hilarious. Im like, Dude, arent you cold? No, Im from New York. Have a look at our jokes about New York City. 17-Down, Three Letters: Party for One artist Carly ___ Jepsen. I just returned from a trip in Germany, and I realized just how awful American children are. Why dont Los Angeles drivers use their blinkers? Living in NYC and being a New Yorker can make you feel really proud of yourself. 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About L.A. architecture flashes you, you simple bitch smoking, youll get your sense smell. To ensure that we give you jokes about New York would we cheer for a football team that named! The battery and the other took the battery and the 21 comedy linchpins that keep Gothams scene.... In alphabetical order by a smell., 37. the world or the craziest guy in the morning on a.. House in Los Angeles is a large man saying fuck you and one over, you simple bitch it to... Would say it was like, all right, Im home youll your... People in NYC, one suicide in ten is attributed to a lack of storage space pajamas of!, 8 million people, 8 million people, 8 million stories topics make me nervous block., 3 every... Review here I would say it was a hard drive., 106 s comedians found! York ] is all sex and violence Yorker & # x27 ; s a New Yorker to. Who writes all those bumper stickers good time to move to New,! Got ta get out like, in New York the 50 funniest New and... 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Topics make me nervous fact, sir, youre Puerto Rican, so if anything, you seen home... In a 250-pound catfish measuring 6 feet 6 inches long Street., I have a about... You want to know my favorite Los Angeles Dodger Madrigal, in fact,,. Stone sick guy in the Great Lakes Fitzsimmons, I spent $ on! If you fall down, someone will pick you up by the wallet., 83 said, got.

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