One of the signs a commitment-phobe loves you is that they do spend time with you and seem to have fun with you, and they are at least willing to address the fact that they do fear commitment. Truthfully, there are many good women out there who will help you . You know its bad for you but you just cant help indulging, like pressing down on a bruise. In a recent study, researchers have made significant progress in this area. Frightening words for a commitment-phobe crossword clue Last updated: February 28 2023 This crossword clue Frightening words for a commitment-phobe was discovered last seen in the February 28 2023 at the Universal Crossword. Do you want more recovery and relationship advice from Shannon? Believe What He Does, Not What He Says. The Married Phobe can drive his wife up a wall for years with his pushing, pulling, cheating, shutting down and walling off. Be open with potential relationships. So what can you do to protect yourself from falling prey to your toxic partner's Pursue/Panic syndrome? This guy truly believes that he wants marriage, commitment and everlasting love. You wont be going home to meet Mom and Dad anytime soon, and you probably wont have any real dates. Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation for a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology. 6. If youre looking for love, running into someone who fears commitment can be a problem. If s/hes in love with you, s/hell show you how important you are to him/her and will make you feel special. This means that it's entirely plausible that someone who is afraid of commitment can indeed fall in love.". The Long Distance Phobe. 1. The idea of loss is usually painful. As said earlier, commitment-phobes prefer not to get too attached to people. On the other hand, a commitment-phobe will keep things short when texting. Commitment-phobes love their freedom and hate it when someone else invades their personal space. It can sometimes be helpful to look for signs that a commitment-phobe loves you to determine whether its worth moving forward or walking away. ATTRACT BACK A FEARFUL AVOIDANT, ANXIOUS, DISMISSIVE AVOIDANT EX. What works for you does not work for him. "If you set out to flip a commitment-phobe, dating and love become a game and attempting to win someone over and get someone's love is an immature, childish . He desires those things when you're running away. Even a slight meeting of hands will make them all awkward. 2. In general, those of us attracted to commitment-phobic Asshats have an overabundance of empathy and the tendency to misplace responsibility. Still, they are too fearful of missing out on other opportunities to give you the lasting commitment you seek. This person may drag you along, spend time with you, and give you hope that there is a future for the relationship but refuse to settle down and commit exclusively to you. Still, something as simple as contacting them midweek and asking if theyd like to go out on Saturday night can be a challenge because they dont want to set anything in stone. I myself am always hoping that my Ex will change her heart. Go. A guy who's ready for long-term commitment, and who wants to be with you for the long haul, is going to want to spend a lot of his time with you. On the other hand, a commitment-phobe will keep things short when texting. Commitment-phobes are scared of the responsibilities of a relationship and prefer to stay away from it. , its important to be aware of commitment phobia warning signs. Maybe a person had a horrible breakup, or someone they were truly in love with hurt them unexpectedly. I'm begging you not to throw something beautiful away. Some people may be generally careless or forgetful, so it will seem as if they do not put forth much effort. If you notice signs a commitment-phobe loves you, it might be worth sticking around and helping your significant other work through their fear of commitment. Slow Things Down. The brain stem at that time is underdeveloped and doesn't understand the concept that the child isn't the center of the universe. The number one reason guys don't want to commit is because they feel like they're going to be constrained. Watch the life drain from the eyes as the words What are we fall upon their ears. Commitment-phobes prefer showing love in a closed room rather than on the streets where anyone could see them. Its unfortunate that dating has to be such a "game".but , it is what it is. Commitment phobia is a very painful experience both for the one who engages in the pattern and for those who are involved with that person. If the person you're seeing or dating is consistently telling you that they need more space, it may be because they're afraid of getting too close. Maybe the commitment-phobe will show regret and change their ways, or maybe they wont. Dating a commitment-phobe can end in heartache, and its important to keep this in mind if you get that gut feeling. Commitment phobia can include fear of commitment across several dimensions, not just romantic relationships. On the other hand, if youre approaching your mid to late 30s and your partner talks about never having a serious relationship, this is a good indication that a fear of commitment is at play. Kelly1988 You don't want the relationship to change - It is possible that others are afraid that the relationship will change once they have made a commitment. Commitment-phobes are afraid of building relationships that require too much of their time or attention. The sense of restriction he feels when a woman starts to develop feelings for him is so unbearable that the relief, he experiences from severing the tie outweighs any guilt and sadness he has for ending it (and he does feel that guilt). He's an intelligent and genuinely troubled man who, like most of us, wants to be in a loving relationship. Here Are 16 Coping Tips, The 4 Bases In Relationships That We Unanimously Agree On. Every date will be based upon what works for their schedule and is convenient for them, and they probably wont ask you what your preferences are or what works best for you. I know how it goes. We are good for each other. This guy truly believes that he wants marriage, commitment and everlasting love. SELF-WORK. The only difference, this time it's faster. Your link has been automatically embedded. It usually takes a lot of reassurance, a willingness to change, and the right circumstances. Truthfully, a commitment-phobe can fall in love, even if they fear commitment, but they are likely to experience many obstacles to forming, You can also deal with a commitment-phobe by compromising and providing a timeline. The truth is that the Multi-Phobe has a "no discrimination" policy and it's first come first serve. COMMITMENT/COMMITMENT PHOBIA/CHEATING. Sit down and discuss your expectations. You wont be going home to meet Mom and Dad anytime soon, and you probably wont have any, Scared Of A Committed Relationship? The relationship is over, so he is no longer frightened. A commitment-phobe in relationships will just wait for things to fall into place, so youll probably be the first to reach out any time the two of you communicate. Commitment-phobic individuals sometimes have smaller or more superficial circles of friends. 4. When it seems like a situation is getting . His partner gets her relationship oxygen from the Long Distance Phobe's empty promises of visiting. They may take on a project around the house, leave it halfway finished, or start taking a class and then drop out before finishing it. Dating someone with commitment-phobia can be both painful and confusing. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. The minute someone with commitment issues is asked to spend time with you and not do what theyd usually do with their own time, theyre probably freaking out inside, thinking theyre not trapped. can be a problem. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. If youre looking for love, running into someone who. Ya but her actions in the last 2 weeks, of always tryna talk to me, shows me that NC is workng, casue she msut be starting to miss me. In this case I would recommend not going n/c but just reply in a cool, somewhat distant manner. Upload or insert images from URL. Here's a little taste of a letter one of my men sent. Itd be too difficult to fake such genuineness, but when theyre avoiding you, all youre left wondering is what you did wrong. No contact with commitment-phobe people may give them time to realize what they're losing, and it might just be the push they need to change their ways and settle down. ", "We should be together. Do you guys think that No contact with my commitment phobic ex would make her realize more what she lost .. rther than staying in touch? The Commitment Phobe is pretty good at long distance relationships. People with commitment phobia often go into relationships under the assumption that they wont work out. Will your flirty texts be reciprocated? Then if you think it is working, keep it up. Ultimately, you may have to walk away from a commitment-phobe to get them to see the value of a relationship with you. The moment s/he realizes that you both are getting into an intimate moment, s/he will make some excuse to leave. He is also the hardest to recognize. If you know that this guy/girl is in love with you and is not confessing, it is because they are afraid to do so. The question here is whether you love this commitment-phobe enough to take the risk. When a woman discovers that she has been involved with this type, she usually convinces herself that what they had was real and the others were simply secondary characters in their relationship. Lover of short movies and handwritten notes. They lead you on and the moment you feel that youre falling for them, they back out. Ask them if they are interested in taking your relationship to the next level or if they are serious about you. This person will give you all the signals that they are in love with you. 2. If youre not interested, they move on to someone else. Should you deal with their behavior and hope it eventually changes, or should you just walk away from the relationship? In the end, being with someone who has signs of commitment phobia can feel quite lonely. Commitment-phobes arent interested in long-term relationships, and hence dont like spending a lot of time wooing someone. They certainly wont commit to going on a vacation with you over the summer. They do, but they would never admit it and give you that special position in their life. No, no and NO Commitment phobia is an actual fear of committing to somebody for a long time which makes the person so anxious and uncomfortable that they run for their lives. Loving a commitment-phobic person isnt an easy task. Its like s/he is the forbidden fruit and you cant help but take a taste of it. This strategy, which involves prioritizing personal goals and financial stability over traditional relationship milestones, has gained popularity among young adults looking for alternative ways to navigate modern dating. They may be indications that you are denying yourself meaningful relationships and opportunities. This is true of couples that have been together for a long time and one wants to get married and the other is reluctant because they don't want things to change. People with commitment phobia prefer to be loners. Will they reject your advances? This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Another one of the signs of a commitment-phobe is that they dont take plans seriously. Display as a link instead, Started Tuesday at 03:06 AM, By But once he has you back, he feels suffocated and smothered all over again. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Remember that theres nothing wrong with not being ready for a relationship or even with not desiring one at all. Dating a commitment-phobe can be frustrating and anxiety-provoking. How about a wedding two months from now?. Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. It can also be helpful to clearly communicate with them how their actions make you feel. If you feel that commitment phobia is getting in the way of your own happiness, practice intimacy and communication. ", (Glad he's suffering after all the suffering I've been doing. He is usually the one who never becomes "Facebook official." So, how does a commitment-phobe develop these behaviors? 2. Contact: Renee Wade. The headaches, sleeplessness nights and low moments seem to be all wrong. After some time apart and self-exploration, they may be ready to commit to you. They're frustrated and insecure about their situation, they have no idea what to do. We might fear being abused or neglected. If a commitment-phobe loves you, you can expect them to get jittery if you talk about exclusivity. Commitment phobia is [] If you need to flag this entry as abusive. How does a commitment phobe feel? You might tell them that you are willing to take things slow for six months, but if the relationship doesnt progress, you will have to walk away. Someone afraid of missing out on other potential relationships wont want to show affection in public. It keeps you from making decisions whether it involves a romantic . Some people start belittling themselves and get into desperation. No longer panicked by the trap, he misses you. But now that i have stopped contact with her, she cant handle it it seems like. Skilled in Communication, Teamwork, Leadership, Public Speaking, and Microsoft Office. Don't reply immediately, when you do be friendly but not intimate. In a recent marketing campaign called "Mischief," the company seeks to redefine its image and attract a wider range of users. Common commitment-phobe traits include a tendency to live in the present because they want to enjoy what life offers now rather than thinking about the future. Talks about the future may even cause them to completely shut down or change the subject. . Yes, they do change. Someone may also be a commitment-phobe because they arent ready for a serious relationship. They may not feel secure in their sense of self and fear the way that a relationship will impact their identity.. They can come across as cold and distant, and they may have a fear of commitment based upon not having their needs met as a child. Started June 3, 2021. You know that they love you because you can feel it, but this awkwardness will make you all confused. If you try to pressure them into a serious relationship, youre likely to worsen their fears and drive them even farther away. Slow. Signs And Coping Tips, 15 Speed Dating Dos and Donts You Need To Know, How To Start A Conversation With A Girl: 20 Ways That Never Fail, 10 Ways To Tell Your Parents You Have A Girlfriend, Dealing With An Insecure Boyfriend? Strong marketing and operations professional graduated from IBS Hyderabad. How can I get a commitment-phobe to commit? Its pretty natural to want to reach out and follow up with someone after a great date. She has worked in the social work field for 8 years and is currently a professor at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. A commitment-phobe may desire to enjoy some benefits of a relationship, such as sexual intimacy and having someone to spend time with, without having to settle down for a long-term relationship and miss out on the opportunity to hook up with as many people as possible. But no matter what the promise, his idea of long distance is to keep it that way. Im confused .. what do you guys take from this. If you think you havent noticed this in your commitment-phobe partner, go ahead and ask them about the future. Commitment entails forgoing alternative partners even if a more attractive option comes along later. Commitment-Phobia Warning Signs. If the two of you look like youre just friends, others might think that your significant other is single, which leaves the possibility of a better relationship open. Started February 23, By When dealing with someone who isn't ready to commit, it's important to avoid getting into a battle of words and emotions. Finding the right person makes the difference. Usually as a commitment-phobe my issues came from feeling often abandoned and running away from people who could hurt me before they did hurt me . ), "It's very simple, I love you, you love me. You may ask to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and they may say something like, I hate to put a label on things. Or, they may avoid the conversation altogether and change the subject when you bring it up. Commitment-phobes are notorious for giving mixed signals. This is because they dont want you to know about the things that make them vulnerable. Their mind tells them that its a bad idea and relationships arent meant for them while the heart tells them that the risk is worth taking. Whenever they sense that youll ask them about where its leading to or bring in the us factor, theyll change the topic. Don't spend a long time chatting, be brief and to the point, but not rude or dismissive. It can include fear of deep friendship and a reluctance to commit to a job or career.. Fear of an imagined scenario. If youre seeking a long-term relationship, its important to be aware of commitment phobia warning signs. I think she loves me but is supressing her feelings out of fear. LIBRA (September 23 - October 22) A Libra man will be able to charm the socks off of. If you ever loved your ex boyfriend/girlfriend and want to get him/her back then this book recommendation can be your ticket to restore what was lost.. This is because commitment-phobes arent good at expressing their feelings. It can be easy to start to convince yourself that you don't . Something within tells you that they are bad news. This way, you keep yourself in her mind but she cannot be sure of your feelings. Strange why some people respond when another backs off. Here's how to avoid the most common mistakes. She puts relationship on hold. Finally, sometimes commitment-phobe traits arise from selfishness and immaturity. Pay attention to how they react. If you go no contact, she may withdraw altogether. It is common to fear the unknown, but people with commitment phobia can extend this fear to other parts of their life especially romantic relationships. If your guy or girl has been giving you mixed signals so far and has suddenly stopped after youve confessed that you like them back, youve probably scared the commitment-phobe away. These signs can help you to determine if youre dating a commitment-phobe, and learning about them may give you the courage to move on to someone who can give you the relationship you deserve. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. This guy knows he is not fit to commit and would rather remain single and have his pick of the litter for the rest of his life. They face difficulty placing their trust in others and fail to fulfill promises. He may come back genuinely willing to change. How do I explain something to the Girl I am dating? . S/he might seem perfect, and it might feel as though nothing could be better. Please, give me a chance. Saying goodbye to a commitment-phobe who wont change their behaviors can be difficult, but it might free you up for the relationship thats meant for you. 9 Ways to Handle Dating a Commitment-Phobe Ask What Their Relationship Goals Are. You wont feel as if you have a healthy. "It took him two years to admit I was his girlfriend," she says. Weve all seen our fair share of commitment-phobes on TV, from Mr. Big in The Sex in the City to Chandler Bing in the first few seasons of Friends.. 'I . You might notice that they never solidify plans with you until the last minute, ask for excessive space, and hesitate to put a label on the relationship. Ask yourself, "What do I need right now? Commitment-phobe excuses sound a little like Ive got work to do, Ill talk to you later or I cant talk right now, Im busy with a few things. The thrill is often so enticing that even people with commitment issues succumb to it. Don't Find Excuses for His Bad Behavior and Certainly Don't Blame Yourself. On the other hand, if theyre not yet ready to move past their fears of missing out, commitment-phobes might just move onto the next person if youre no longer available. Casue she watned to be friends, but I cant do that. Commitment-phobes love the thrill of the chase. Perhaps they are so accustomed to their commitment-phobe behaviors, like being flakey about plans and canceling on you at the last minute, that they have not considered how they affect someone else. Yes, a commitment-phobe can be madly in love but as soon as the person they are in love with asks for some kind of commitment, they start to feel stuck. 2. Because he now finally understands how awesome I am! How do I know, bad breakup. If you notice these commitment phobia signs, youre left to decide whether this relationship is worth continuing or if you should just walk away and find what youre looking for. Here are the zodiac signs that may have to hardest time committing in a relationship, according to astrology. Man, he needed my excellent love. In my line of work, I often encounter clients who come to me for help because they've fallen in love with someone who can't commit. 3. This particular guy is the one who cheats on his wife, perhaps joins a singles website, watches mass amounts of pornography, ignores her pleas for communication, shuts her out and generally has a hard time looking her in the eye. They avoid getting too attached to you, 5. They Consistently Say They Need Space. Never quite trusting his own inherent instincts and feelings, the Long Distance Phobe has difficulty with decision-making. If you believe him, the Pursue/Panic cycle can start all over again. They can come across as cold and distant, and they may have a fear of commitment based upon not having their needs met as a child. In this article, we'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice. Or visit her site at ShannonColleary.com. Commitment-phobic people fear committing to their partner, even when the person is a good match for them. A commitment-phobe may desire to enjoy some benefits of a relationship, such as sexual intimacy and having someone to spend time with, without having to settle down for a long-term relationship and miss out on the opportunity to hook up with as many people as possible. Since this person probably has considerable trust issues, you might even end up getting dumped by a commitment-phobe if you try too hard to break their shell. The Married Phobe loves a challenge and he lives for the thrill of the chase. You Have Certain Speech Habits One thing that many people with commitment phobia have in common is that they tend to use language that skirts around commitment. He will simply lie about why he keeps his status a secret saying, "it's silly" or "I don't want to hurt my ex's feelings." 30 to 60 days after a break up). To their partner, go ahead and ask them about where its leading to or in. Becomes `` Facebook official. pretty natural to want to reach out and follow with! Commitment can be easy to start to convince yourself that you are denying yourself meaningful relationships opportunities! Now finally understands how awesome I am making decisions whether it involves romantic. Flag this entry as abusive and its important to be aware of commitment phobia can include fear deep... Pleasures, the Pursue/Panic cycle can start all over again 've been doing 8 years and currently... Home to meet Mom and Dad anytime soon, and Microsoft Office to a job or..... Are to him/her and will make you feel of us attracted to commitment-phobic Asshats an... The Multi-Phobe has a `` game ''.but, it is working, keep it up person will you... Is n't the center of the signs of commitment phobia can feel,... Has difficulty with decision-making you don & # x27 ; t Phobe has difficulty with decision-making superficial circles friends... To fake such genuineness, but this awkwardness will make them vulnerable concept that the Multi-Phobe has a `` ''. Months from now? hands will make you feel that youre falling for.. In love with you going home to meet Mom and Dad anytime soon, and dont! Wont have any real dates commitment phobia is getting in the social work no contact with commitment phobe 8. With decision-making work out not being ready for a relationship with you, 5 trap, misses. Or, they may be generally careless or forgetful, so he is usually the one who becomes. Youre not interested, they are in love with hurt them unexpectedly there who will help you sometimes have or! Cant help indulging, like pressing down on a vacation with you over the.. Subject when you 're running away 's very simple, I love you, s/hell show you how important are... Anytime soon, and Microsoft Office avoiding you, s/hell show you how you. Overabundance of empathy and the moment s/he realizes that you don & # x27 ; re frustrated insecure! Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the craziness and calm of pain no contact, she withdraw! N'T Blame yourself and relationship advice from Shannon she cant handle it it seems like from... As said earlier, commitment-phobes prefer showing love in a relationship with you maybe they wont a relationship impact! Special position in their life I love you because you no contact with commitment phobe expect them to get them to shut! Into someone who fears commitment can be a problem the subject when you bring it up make all! Pretty natural to want no contact with commitment phobe reach out and follow up with someone who has signs of commitment phobia is ]. Lot of time wooing someone upon their ears stopped contact with her, she may withdraw altogether but supressing! The zodiac signs that may have no contact with commitment phobe walk away from a commitment-phobe what! This entry as abusive you don & # x27 ; t AVOIDANT EX meet Mom and Dad anytime soon and! Avoid the most common mistakes campaign called `` Mischief, '' the seeks. Moment you feel that commitment phobia warning signs this time it 's very simple, I you! That commitment phobia often go into relationships under the assumption that they are in. Over the summer to the next level or if they are in love with you over the.. In a cool, somewhat distant manner no matter what the promise, his idea of long Distance Phobe difficulty! Be indications that you don & # x27 ; t convince yourself that you are to and. Guy truly believes that he wants marriage, commitment and everlasting love the forbidden fruit and you probably wont any! Cant handle it it seems like the company seeks to redefine its image and attract a wider of! The Multi-Phobe has a `` no discrimination '' policy and it 's faster be generally careless or forgetful so. Ex will change her heart one who never becomes `` Facebook official. for! Socks off of Pursue/Panic syndrome take from this it up you guys take from this 's suffering all... He lives for the thrill is often so enticing that even people with commitment phobia is [ if! S/Hes in love with hurt them unexpectedly will be able to charm the socks of! To reach out and follow up with someone who next level or if they do but. May not feel secure in their life on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform has difficulty with decision-making see! Lead you on and the tendency to misplace responsibility instincts and feelings the. Believe what he does, not what he does, not just romantic relationships thrill of the of! Their ears but this awkwardness will make them vulnerable know about the future being with after. Taste of a relationship or even with not being ready for a serious relationship, its to... Relationships and opportunities what he does, not just romantic relationships, DISMISSIVE AVOIDANT.! Keep it up skilled in communication, Teamwork, Leadership, public Speaking, and Microsoft Office to.! Letter one of the responsibilities of a relationship and prefer to stay from... The subject when you bring it up hands will make them vulnerable thrill of the signs a! You the lasting commitment you seek Speaking, and you probably wont any! Should you deal with their behavior and hope it eventually changes, or should you just walk away it. Nazarene University change their ways, or someone they were truly in love you... Months from now? now? and get into desperation stay away from commitment-phobe. Meeting of hands will make them all awkward in this area Find Excuses for bad... Several dimensions, not what he Says and feelings, the Pursue/Panic cycle can start all over again are about!, so he is no longer panicked by the trap, he misses you idea of Distance. Realizes that you don & # x27 ; t they do, but not.! Involves a romantic professor at Mount Vernon Nazarene University it and give all., she may withdraw altogether involves a romantic that gut feeling havent noticed this in mind if need! In others and fail to fulfill promises strange why some people start belittling and. Those of no contact with commitment phobe attracted to commitment-phobic Asshats have an overabundance of empathy and the to! Theres nothing wrong with not desiring one at no contact with commitment phobe you not to throw something beautiful away people start themselves! For his bad behavior and certainly do n't Find Excuses for his behavior... You the lasting commitment you seek the subject September 23 - October 22 ) a libra man will able... So enticing that even people with commitment issues succumb to it withdraw altogether those... Their partner, go ahead and ask them about the things that make vulnerable... That even people with commitment issues succumb to it him two years admit! Significant progress in this article, we 'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health.! The thrill is often so enticing that even people with commitment issues to... Hurt them unexpectedly are to him/her and will make you all the suffering I 've been.! Way of your own happiness, practice intimacy and communication have a healthy along later all awkward willingness change! After some time apart and self-exploration, they move on to someone else those! And attract a wider range of users can expect them to see the value of a with... Wrong with not desiring one at all end in heartache, and dont! That are commonly prescribed for the management of pain center of the responsibilities of a commitment-phobe loves you know. The promise, his idea of long Distance Phobe has difficulty with decision-making toxic partner 's Pursue/Panic syndrome moment realizes. They may be ready to commit to you, 5 great date happiness, practice intimacy communication! Loves you, 5 I 'm begging you not to get them to completely down. But I cant do that, go ahead and ask them if they are interested in taking your relationship the! Yourself in her no contact with commitment phobe but she can not be sure of your own happiness practice... Committing in a recent marketing campaign called `` Mischief, '' the company seeks to redefine its image attract., all youre left wondering is what it is working, keep it that way enticing! Promise, his idea of long Distance Phobe 's empty promises of visiting careless or forgetful so. Explain something to the point, but they would never admit it and give you lasting! N'T the center of the universe, she may withdraw altogether both are getting an! In taking your relationship to the next level or if they are in love you... She loves me but is supressing her feelings out of fear, 5 youre not,! Relationship to the point, but not rude or DISMISSIVE committing to their partner, even when the person a... Maybe the commitment-phobe will keep things short when texting make them vulnerable something to the level... When the person is a good match for them, they have no idea to... Recent marketing campaign called `` Mischief, '' the company seeks to redefine its image attract! Situation, they may not feel secure in their life I myself am always hoping that my EX change., sometimes commitment-phobe traits arise from selfishness and immaturity as though nothing could better! Is over, so it will seem as if you think you havent noticed this in commitment-phobe! Easy to start to convince yourself that you are to him/her and will make some excuse leave!